What the hell was I thinking?
It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Home prices had never been so low in the Bay Area. You could buy a condo in Marina Bay for around $100,000.
And this is where it had started.
Mom had sent me some listings of these Deal Condos. And sure, they looked tempting. Why, my mortgage would be less than my rent.
But then....oh, here is where it all gets so muddled....And now?
I have to admit I had absolutely NO Clue what I was getting into.
Here it is a year later and I am so far from a little condo at Marina Bay it’s laughable. Well, I’d be laughing if I weren’t swearing.
The perfect little house could be mine. Only $150,000. 15% down of my money equals some ridiculously mind boggling amount of money—about $23,000. Yikes! My entire life savings.
Well, almost.
But it’s working right? I found the house. (Not by myself, mind you. It's been a year long search with the undaunted help of my fab Realtor and my homebuying mom)
I got the inspection. I got the loan. I got the appraisal....nope, wait, this is where I landed in Confusion Homebuyer's Land this week.
The goddamn appraisal, which even as I write this I think, why did I ever get involved in this process of buying a home?
Do I think it’s as easy as HGTV makes it out to be?
No any more.
Property Virgin I am still and if I do become a First Time Homeowner, well, give me a great big prize.
Like $4000 to fix the goddamn sewer.
But back to the appraisal that I was already pissed about since it costs me $495 ---why? What does the Appraiser do for that amount of money? I don't even want to go there....
So, I got the report. It was pages and pages of teeny tiny numbers in little boxes followed by black and white photos of my home to be......
But yet, now, I get an email from the Underwriter—what the hell is an Underwriter? Is that like the person that buries all those Literary Bodies?
Good Morning, Ms. Jameson,
The appraisers who looked at the property at 777 34th street is requiring that you install a handrail on the back rear stairs. Please let me know if you have any questions.
Have a nice day,
Suzie Duzi
Okay, I look at the above and of course the first thing I notice is the subject verb agreement error. Shit.
I’m supposed to take directions seriously from someone who can’t even write an email without a major grammatical error?
Evidently.
My next question was What the hell? Why am I responsible for installing handrails on a property that isn't even mine yet?
And I emphasize the YET.
Shouldn’t that be the seller’s responsibility?
Oh, but yeah, that’s right. The sellers are the hard –assed REOGirls of Fannie Mae. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t say anything too negative about these women. They’re just doing their job, but when my always optimistic enthusiastic realtor, Daphne, wanted to get them to pay for the $4000 sewer repair since the City of Richmond requires that the seller do this....
Well, the REOGirls just laughed and laughed and laughed.
Or at least I imagine them doing this. Sitting around their office. Drinking their huge Starbucks Specialty Coffees. Shaking their heads. “Would you get a load of this one, Shirley? She wants us to fix the goddamn sewer? Can you believe that? What an idiot! Everyone knows that the REOGirls don’t fix anything. We just sell sell sell!"
And so, with the handrails? I just assumed that I get the same reaction.
It would be up to me to install these.
So what if I’d already been told by my mortgage broker, Steve, that my loan was approved. Looks like he spoke to soon.
“Hey, Carol, I’m really sorry about this. Frankly, I can’t believe it. I mean if I thought this was even a possibility there’s no way I woulda told you your loan was approved. Hey, but it happens. And lemme tell you a story. I mean, what’s this gonna cost you? Couple hundred bucks. Hire a handyman. Have him slap up a couple of two by fours. I had this one client, she had to complete $22,000 worth of repairs before she could close the deal.”
“Yeah, well,” I try not to scream into the phone, “if it were gonna be $22,000, obviously I wouldn’t be in the running. But for me, it’s all adds up." The Inspection ($650), the Appraisal (the aforementioned $495), the sewer inspection ($200) and now the handyman rails? Another $200?
All of a sudden, I’ve run up over $1500 worth of expenses for a place that I haven’t even bought yet.
Which brings me back to the beginning: What the hell was I thinking getting involved in this home buying process?
Things keep happening and I just keep freaking out. I can't predict what's going to happen tomorrow or the next day. And Control Cat that I am--I am going CRAZY!!!!
Is this any way to spend my summer vacation?
Not that I get a summer vacation, but you know what I mean.
But I’ll keep you posted. Daphne and Steve have a plan and the REOGirls are game. Seems they’re willing to go along with an ‘addendum’ to have the seller pay for the handrails.
Of course this will come out of my escrow account, which as far as I can figure is my money, and so I’m still gonna be paying for the goddamn rails.
But hey, the stairs will be so safe now. I can have wild parties and no one will fall and break her neck.
That’s a good thing for me, right? Yeah, or for the person who may end up owning the house.
Could be me or could be some other lucky buyer.
First time homebuyer?
I wouldn’t recommend it. Unless you've got nothing better to do with your time, money and sanity.....
