Knob and Tube--Huh?

Hi Carol,
I went over the report this morning. It appears from the photo's that your attic is not insulated, the reason I'm bringing this up is because should you choose to insulate in the future you will first need to remove any knob and tube wiring. Knob and tube wire is only rated for 30 degrees Celsius (about 86 degrees Fahrenheit) wire rated for such low temperatures is can barely handle attic heat and when you insulate over it, knob and tube is not longer able to dissipate heat.

Glen (The Electrician)

Oh no! Knob and Tube is not longer able to dissipate heat! (I will only comment briefly on the use of the possessive instead of the plural; comma splice; typo; lack of caps—I still have my grammar standards, even in email)

What the hell am I going to do? What the hell is Knob and Tube wiring anyway? It sounds so poetic in a homeowner hell sort of way. Like if you turn the knob then the tube will be there to capture the electricity and then voila, you will have light.

Or not.

Sounds like I’ll have a goddamn fire in the attic if I don’t do something about the knob and tubes.

And so, The Electrician speaks and I’m completely confused. I don’t remember the Inspector saying anything about the Knobs and Tubes. So, I call my trusty agent, Daphne, who is as confused as I am.

“The reason you’re confused, Carol, is because Sam (the inspector) never said anything about the knob and tube....”
“What is the knob and tube anyway?” I interrupt. I just can’t stand it anymore. It sounds like I’m going to open a door and find a vial for collecting blood. I don’t tell Daphne this though, but instead joke about how it sounds so ‘Poetic.”
She laughs, or as far as I can tell she’s laughing over the in and out bad cell phone connection. “Yes, you’re right!” she exclaims, “It is poetic. But actually what it is an old fashioned kind of electrical wiring that in fact is quite adequate but isn’t as up to the state of the art as the....”

I lose what she’s saying cuz of the bad cell connection. Once again, Communication Devices fail me.

But I can’t have the Knobs and Tubes failing me! I need the attic insulated, I think. But maybe not? Maybe it’ll be OK and the Mansion won’t be too cold and the Knobs and Tubes can hang out in the attic without any interruption to their perfectly adequate routine?

“I would ask Sam (The Inspector) if I were you,” Daphne continues. “I’d be curious as to what he’d say about this issue.”

Okay, then, I of course, being the ever-curious new homeowner that I am, email the Inspector and this is the response I get back from him about the Knobs and Tubes:

Hi Carol,
I think this is sort of an issue. Not a bad idea but not an enormous issue. It's easy to do many safety upgrades and I try to parse this as best as I can. This means not recommending everything under the sun.
If you can afford to upgrade the wiring in the attic, it's a good thing but I wouldn't consider this a first priority.
Sam

So, what does this mean? Not an‘enormous issue’? That I don’t need to disrupt the Knob and Tubes? Even though they don’t like above 30 degrees Celsius? That it’s a ‘safety upgrade’ and as such is not a first priority?

If a safety upgrade isn’t a first priority, then what is? I am so confused. I suppose what I’m learning is that every ‘expert’ has his opinion

And why is it always men? Would a Woman Expert give me a different opinion? What’s gender got to do with it anyway, Carol? The Knobs and Tubes are certainly neutral aren’t they? Though come to think of it they do sound decidedly masculine. All that opening of doors –so manly; all that filling of vials, so sciencey—again, manly. (Yes, I know there are women scientists in the 21st century but I still would guess that a majority of scientists are still male.)

Damn. I got off the track.

But Knobs and Tubes can do that to a girl.

I guess I’ll just concentrate on getting a new toilet before I worry about upgrading the attic wiring. This after all, is without question, an Enormous Issue and the First Priority.

Why, my friend CC even told me how there are ‘boy’ and ‘girl’ toilets.

Did you know?

See what I’m learning as a new homeowner?

Gender does matter.

Especially if it’s a First Priority.

But I’m sure the Knobs and Tubes would tell me that. As long as I keep them under 30 degrees Celsius, that is.